Hitler and the Real Housewives™️

Can spray tans and diamonds help sell a regime change when rich liberals and the media have gone silent?

Above, poster for Walt Disney’s animated Anti-Nazi propaganda short film, “Der Fuehrer’s Face” featuring Donald Duck, which won the 1943 Academy Award for best animated short film. Below, some of the formidable women of the Real Housewife™️ franchise.

Following is the true story of being approached to appear on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills amidst the rise of fascism in America.

Two weeks ago, moments before a filmed Zoom “audition” with a representative from the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, I was consumed thinking about the following:

1. Hitler was a master manipulator of marketing who knew exactly how to utilize the power of cinema, hiring actress, writer, editor, director, and producer Leni Reifenstahl to create his 1935 Nazi Propaganda film Triumph of the Will, widely considered one of the greatest propaganda films of all time.

2. Hollywood used to excel at propaganda, especially that which counteracted Hilter’s agenda. Back in my grandad’s day, he and other (like him, Jewish immigrant) moguls produced anti-Nazi content in the form of newsreels, movies and cartoons to be shown in theaters across the US and England during WW2.

3. Evil Orange aka US President Number 45 & 47* wouldn’t have made it as far as he has without having first appeared on his own reality show where he could manipulate storylines and America at large. (*I refuse to type his name, it’s like summoning Beetlejuice.)

4. Hollywood and rich liberals who were especially vocal in their “woke-ness” during Evil Orange’s first term, have gone largely silent. We won’t be seeing the same verve for using awards shows as soapboxes or streamers green lighting social justice content as we did in 2017-2022.

5. Could the Real Housewives™️ franchise, arguably one of the most popular reality shows, become the propaganda machine of our time if they pivoted from backstabbing to condemning neofascism?

The first time I was approached by representatives from the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, back in 2022, I told them (half jokingly) that I would be interested if I could talk about dismantling the patriarchy and white supremacy. The casting director I spoke with went very quiet and said “America isn’t ready for that.” A few weeks ago, when a rep from RHOBH reached out again, I repeated my desire to utilize the franchise as a tool for revolution and the person on the other end of the line started laughing “I love it! Omg the network would love that!”

I told the casting agent that I no longer lived in LA and while I was interested to come on as a guest to teach the ladies how to orgasm breathe, I wasn’t a good candidate to be a “Housewife.” Plus I knew very little about RHOBH besides the memes that circulated in my feed over the years. I’d only ever seen Real Housewives of Dubai which I loved because it was soooo over the top (plus I have a fixation with cast member Caroline Stanbury, a British socialite with a podcast whose sole purpose seems to be convincing women they need face lifts to hold onto their men.) The casting agent snorted and said “but that’s not even a good franchise!”

Somehow she convinced me that whether I was a guest, “friend of,” or housewife, the process was the same and involved filming an interview for the network. I listened to her pitch thinking I’d rather dig a ditch than waste my life away being filmed drinking chardonnay while gossiping with other grown women like 11 year olds on a three way conference call. And yet…as I found myself uttering the words “I’m an OG Beverly Hills Bitch” I wondered whether there was a way to game the system, to use the Real Housewives™️ franchise to deliver a message other than late stage capitalism (buy designer goods! shop to feel something!)

Leni Reifenstahl behind the camera and former Real Housewife of Beverly Hills, Lisa Rinna enjoying a cocktail

As Marshall McLuhan famously theorized, The Medium is the Message, and in that vein, could I subvert the reality show genre? Make a Warhol performance art piece out of the RHOBH experience? I thought about my movie mogul grandfather and what he’d be producing if transported to 2025. Would he view reality TV akin to vaudeville and burlesque, the satirical medium of the masses? Would he use it to his advantage to advance a message of resistance to fascism and media censorship?

My brain spun into overdrive….if the current admin is selling a vision of a time when America was “great”— do they mean the 1950s housewife at home with 2.5 kids and breadwinning dad at the office? The casting director told me that all the current season RHOBH “housewife” cast members are single and financially independent. Or does MAGA want to return to America in the 1940s, back when the country was united in fighting the bad guy overseas aka Hitler? Now we have a president with aims to be a dictator in the same mold. In the last few weeks, Evil Orange’s bff Elon spoke at a rally for the German far right (neo Nazi, anti-Muslim) political party Alternative für Deutschland (AfD) and bozo US Vice President JD Vance issued a public scolding to European leaders for not being “inclusive” of far right parties after which he met with the head of AfD, ‘cause, you know, fascists gotta stick together.

Back to the Housewives…

With all my lofty (misguided) ideology about resistance propaganda back of mind, I agreed to the filmed interview. A few days before the Zoom, I finally watched a few episodes of the current season and freaked out. I don’t know what I was expecting but I was stunned to see women with money, drive and massive platforms playing out tired plot lines about who said what about who over multiple episodes. I wanted more scenes of Erika Jayne becoming a pop star, of Garcelle Beauvais being a boss on set of her productions in Atlanta, of Kyle Richards on an Eat Pray Love journey mid separation from her husband. I realized there was no way to game the system unless you were a producer on the series and that I would end up looking like a kooky “Hollywood Royalty” black sheep freak. I wanted to cancel but the writer in me said do it for the plot.

So I found myself setting up for the filmed zoom in my island version of the “full glam” requested - a friend did my hair and I spent 10 min putting on some mascara, under eye concealer and lipstick.

When the show rep signed on he remarked on my appearance “ it’s so amazing that you’re barefoot” and then proceeded to alternately coddle and prod me for the next hour. Highly adept in psychological warfare, he needled me with abrupt personal questions when I used too many $5 vocabulary words.

Did your family disown you?

I have a great relationship with my family.

Have you ever been arrested?

Yes, twice before I turned 15.

What about ayahuasca or monks?

No on the ayahuasca, yes I’ve meditated with monks in Japan twice, I used to work for a Japanese company and spent a good deal of time there.

What is your type?

No one that would ever want to be on a reality show.

I’ve been media trained like a motherfucker but still found myself reciting a list of traumas like groceries when he pressed me to share what struggles I’d faced to justify the silver spoon I was born sucking on.

“This is like therapy” he gleefully exclaimed while miming pulling material out of me “except I’m being guarded and not telling you anything I haven’t previously written about,” I cagily replied.

I was sweating profusely (in psychic self defense) when we wrapped, reminding him that I hadn’t signed a release for the Zoom interview. I also wasn’t asked to sign an NDA, which is why I’m sharing here. I repeated that I wasn’t a good fit for a Housewife but that I’d love to talk about a role behind the camera “that’s amazing, let’s talk about developing something, let’s set a call” he said as though I haven’t been hearing blow smoke up your ass Hollywood talk since I was to the manor born.

Even if, post interview, I realized I couldn’t change America’s hearts and minds through becoming a RHOBH, I still believe the franchise could be deeply subversive in the right hands. Like all good drugs, it is highly addictive. But what if there was a way to alter the formula of the red pill/ blue pills we are being metaphorically fed, to change the message but not the medium of delivery? Jennifer Tilly comes into a scene carrying a limited edition Louis Vuitton handbag as the price flashes on the screen and we collectively gasp. What if the ladies held a Beverly Hills bake sale with profits benefitting a reproductive health initiative? You could get a selfie with your brownie while learning that access to IVF is threatened under Project 2025. Or if Kyle and Dorit Kemsley did a joint closet cleanse with the Real Real to raise awareness about fashion’s environmental impact? They could trade barbs while deciding which Manolo Blahnik’s were tossed in the to go pile.

In the 1940s, when Hitler was killing Jews in pursuit of his so called “supreme Aryan race,” Hollywood sprang into action, making propaganda masquerading as populist entertainment to warn Americans that Nazi’s were not only evil, but stupid. Hence the Walt Disney produced “Der Fuehrer’s Face” referred to at the top of this piece. You can watch the short here and see for yourself. It is truly insane. As is Kanye paying for airtime during the Super Bowl to advertise Swastika merch.

Now, most Hollywood studios including Disney, won’t risk the wrath of the wannabe dictator running America by daring to defy him. The people who can afford to have integrity (how much $ is enough $ when we are talking millions or billions?) seem to have disappeared or suddenly lost their voice. Instead of group chats about ICE raids and raising funds for trans youth, they are concerned about their kids sailing camps. Are we really just going to sigh and sit back, resigned to let our country veer far right to protect generational wealth?

So here is my Vive La Résistance pitch to artists, musicians, writers, animators, journalists, filmmakers, comedians and especially reality show producers (Andy Cohen, call me!) in the face of the idiocracy/ repeat of history we are living in:

WE DON’T NEED A THINK PIECE WE NEED KATHY HILTON PULLING OUT HER HAIR EXTENSIONS SCREAMING DIE NAZI SCUM.