NO FOMO
2 weeks dry January, a statistical analysis
Ghosting IG is sexy mysterious and chic.
I’m now 2 weeks cold turkey with Instagram deleted from my phone.
As some of you may know, my personal porn is analytics. So I checked in with thesexed (116k followers) Social Media Manager who also has access to my personal account goldilocksg (48k followers) to find out the data on what I’ve missed:
35+ verified DMs from people who have my phone number
22+ message requests from dudes sending 🔥 and 😍 emojis talking to themselves (some for YEARS)
100+ hidden message requests from marketing bots with a version of Hey boost your IG & do u want to play w my pussy?
Meanwhile here on I gained 400+ new subscribers (1 subscriber on Substack translates in value metrics to roughly 1k followers on Instagram) and wrote a post on David Lynch that apparently went viral on the STARF⭐️CKER IG (1,109 followers)
I don’t count my uptick in Substack followers (currently just over 10k but not as valuable as a Substack subscriber) as a gain. I’m not an active participant in Substack’s efforts to compete as a social network (they are OBSESSED with courting TikTokers) though I do use their app to read other peoples posts.
, a journalist whose book Extremely Online is a must read for anyone interested in Internet literacy, wrote about the rise of social media censorship on her Substack: TikTok has allegedly been cracking down on left-wing political content… creators say that they're preparing for a future in which TikTok's guidelines might change to become even more restrictive. If a U.S. company buys TikTok, most creators believe the app will become completely beholden to the interests of the U.S. government, and make speech criticizing those in power even more impossible. , a sex columnist/Substacker I like had this to say about the chokehold big tech has on us: It is the job of Meta, X, TikTok, Apple and Google to keep you scrolling, and the simplest way to accomplish that is by trapping you in this perfect mental corner of anger, loneliness and cheap stimuli.As for other Substack creators I am digging the list is long.
is particularly funny and I’m here for playing IG detective during the Inauguration, noting which (her words) “spineless celebrity out there has suddenly decided to reveal themselves as a red-pilled grifter…” due to their social media ❤️s ( Julia Fox & fashion journalist legend Suzy Menkes get name-checked amongst others.) As Emily says, “many people I follow are out here hearting reels like no one is watching. And believe me, I am watching. In fact, I’m now actively checking every single video I’m served….Enjoy those reels with an abundance of caution knowing that people like me are out here judging you for each and every one of them.”I LIVE FOR THE SHADE!
Which is why I count the 1 additional Substack troll I got in the last two weeks as a gain—it’s a sign I’m doing something right. THANK U TO MY HATERS, I am nothing without you 💋
Mental health gains: 97500000000000000
Productivity gains: 10k words written, 2 projects in development
No idea how long I’ll stay off IG, clearly I’m not missing much. I requested my top meme & Tik Tok senders to share via text so I am solidly in the content loop without the doom scrolling and brain fatigue. I’ve included some favorites below.
If I do go back to IG, I’ll probably post & ghost, limiting my time counting likes and avoiding targeted ads.
Below the paywall (if you like this newsletter for free you’ll LOVE it when you become a paid subscriber) is what I’ve been up to IRL & would have posted this month on Close Friends if my self imposed META* ban wasn’t in effect:
*I’m still using WhatsApp, is that like being Cali Sober?