RED EYES & RED CARPETS

I used to be a high functioning stoner...

I used to be a high functioning stoner who felt deeply uncomfortable in a world of red carpets, trying to fit into the matrix with my proverbial mask on at all times. In order to function at an event, I’d pre game with a few puffs on a joint and kept a small bottle of lavender oil in my bag to sniff before facing the cameras.

As in the below photo, which was taken at a Tom Ford fashion show during Oscar week in 2020, just before the pandemic.

I particularly remember this event because although Tom’s gowns were gorgeous and the people watching glamorous, great fodder for this writer —a newly ripped Jeff Bezos sitting front row with more bodyguards than any celeb in attendance and a fun chat with Lil Nas X— I left with my self-esteem in the toilet.

To the outside world, Oscar season and the Academy Awards hoopla is the most glamorous time of the year in Hollywood. You know what I would see/ feel during that period? The Hollywood hierarchy on display in full force. You can literally smell the dysfunction, insecurity and hustle. A sea of people looking around the room and not in your eye when they are talking to you— to see who else is there, who is more useful to their career. The pinnacle of social climbing. I have had people I’ve known literally since birth completely ignore me until they see me speaking with someone famous and then make a beeline in my direction. Or the opposite, clearly killing time talking to me while glancing over my shoulder, abruptly breaking off in the middle of a sentence to depart when someone more fabulous appears.