Santa Baby

I've been a very good girl

This is not a gift guide, (if you want one of those, click HERE) but rather a list of ridiculously expensive gifts I would like to receive. My birthday is Christmas Day, the 25th December. As most people forget my birthday (cue the violins) I have decided to be completely selfish and write my wish list for Santa, baby.

DEAR SANTA,

1. I really really need these Hermes bandaids . You know I tape up my laptop camera because I am cybersecurity obsessed but these would make it look soooo much chicer than the limp piece of gaffer tape that is currently in place.

2. As I will be spending more time in the cold in 2026 (coming your way Washington DC & NYC) I am coveting this full length Nour Hammour suede coat, lined in shearling to keep me warm. If there are any STARF⭐️CKER elves who work with the brand reading this, please feel free to pass along my wish, I am not above a shameless plug or sponsored post.

3. I love this Weeping Bust candle designed by Douglas Little for his brand, Heretic. My pal Dita Von Teese has one in black (she’s far more goth than me,) I’d like it in white, below.

   

4. I have been wanting these Normatec air compression lymphatic drainage massage boots to add to my “Spa Goldwyn” Hollywood Elite Wellness machines for so long. As you are aware, I am a hardcore germaphobe so I’d rather have my own pair than share at the Physical Therapist office. Hook a girl up, Santa!

   

5. While we are at it on the wellness journey, I’d love a week at Viva Mayr in Austria, please. You know I love to check out the oligarch scene happening at these kind of medical resort spas, always hilarious fodder. The last time I did such a journey was when Marisa Tomei and I went to Sha Wellness in Spain back in 2023 so I think I’m overdue. Honestly I was starving the whole time because I absolutely cannot diet but it the people watching and aquatic sound bowl watsu was divine.

   

   

   5. I am absolutely desperate for a Lidaju Bird Bag from the ever chic Aurora James line, Brother Vellies. I’d take any style it comes in, because everything she makes is fabulous. Pretty Please Santa! I believe she named it after the also fabulous actual Lidaju Sisters, whose music you can check out HERE.

   

   6. I am deathly afraid of snakes, but I adore them as jewelry. They remind me of my dear friend, the late, great burlesque queen Zorita, who famously did a striptease with two eight foot long boa constrictors, Oscar & Elmer, called ‘The Consummation of the Wedding of the Snakes.” In her honor, I’d love any of the below snake bracelets from my favorite antique jewelry company, Kentshire. See, I’m not picky Santa, I’m giving you choices!

   

   

7. Although the above items are what I’m really lusting over, Santa, if you absolutely insist on giving me something practical, this off road 2026 Ranger Crew XP 1000 by Polaris would be perfect for cruising around the neighborhood, especially during the winter months when flash flooding makes the roads hazardous. But I’d like to customize it with a richer forest green shade and built in sound system, please. Thanks Santa, love you mean it!

ICYMI: